oh for gods sake

i'm encredibly sad. i'm desperatly hoping it is pms. it's a little late for that...but maybe my hormones are lagging...
i havn't been to therapy in a few weeks. my therapist is retiring. i think i could have had a few more sessions but he yelled at me. i never told anyone he did that. not even jason. he was trying to tell me i need to blame my mother. for EVERYTHING. for the abuse, for the way i feel now, for marrying my father and them fighting. for being selfish and divorcing my father. no one is perfect. and she did the best she could. the best she knew how.

i am going to call the other number my doc. gave me tomorrow before i go to work. maybe i can find a good therapist this time.

i'm supposed to be in class. thats how sad i'm feeling. i didn't go. i keep doing this. this self sabotoge. i'm glad jason isn't falling for it though. i'm surprised he hasn't let me yet.

it's a good thing it's raining.